The Loneliness of Two

A tap on the back. A nudge on the shoulder.
A smile with no reason. A thought with no inhibitions.
A conversation easy to decipher. Another one too cryptic to ponder.

Laid on the field just like that.
Feasted by the cold summer wind of the night.

An invitation to go out. An intention not once questioned.
An opportunity to initiate. An analogy simple yet too rigid to take.
An idea blossomed. Another one turned to bubbles.

Laid on the field just like that.
Feasted by the cold night wind of the summer.

No one wants to make the first move.
No one wants to lose.
They both strategies to win.
But in the process they both lose.

One game. Two players. No winner.

Love Notes For You

You are a dream that I wish for before I sleep.
A hope that my heart longs for every morning.

You are that Saturday that I always look forward to.
A Sunday that I always look back on a weekday.

You are the cause of a happy heart evident on sincere smiles.
A cause to bring me down when you have moments to frown.

You are a gift that I have always wanted.
A gem that I would want to always keep.



You are still there lost in the crowd of anonymity.
A lover I will find in the dictate of destiny.

Another Color Turns to Gray

I can’t help but smile when I see beads of sweat trickle down your creased forehead as you intently focus your attention to the set in front of you. You changed your sitting position five times in the last couple of minutes and it excites me to know the reason why.

“Do I make you nervous?”

Your face suddenly lightens up with that big smile you flashed as a response. You did not say a word but I do not need them to know an affirmation to my inquiry. I let out a big sigh as I mockingly tap my fingers one by one on the glass table like a well rehearsed pianist.

“You can pass.”

You straightened up from your seat then leaned back and let out an impish laughter. Once more, you flashed that big toothy smile with a subtle head jerk. Your restlessness proceeded with interlocking your fingers as you placed them on the back of your head without taking your eyes away on the pieces in front of you.

“Just say pass.”

“Pass!”

Just like that you stood up and walked away. I stood up as well and went the opposite direction. You looked back and so did I allowing our eyes to meet. With a sudden rush I feel the defeat that weighs you down and you feel my disappointment over your abandonment.

Then it hit us, we turned another color to gray.

Life/Love

Life is simple.
Living is hard.

Love is basic.
Loving is complicated.

There are some things easier said than done.

Bitten

I tried. Lord knows I tried so damn hard. I falter. Apparently my experience or the lack of it precedes my effort. I am incapable. It cripples me. It feels like as much as I want to move forward, it is not my decision to make. I thought I make the rules. Surprisingly, I don’t. I thought I learned my lessons well. I thought that I have learned to accept that things do not go my way. Not because of any other reasons but mainly because that is what I want. I do not get what I want. I don’t learn. Each day I have to live with that. Each day I have to arduously implant that in my head because if I don’t I will be back here. This is my default. I question. I wait for answers. I get questions in return. Time passed by and I am still unchanged. I am sorry. I tried.

One Special Night

The mood for an intimate dinner is set.
Low lighting, burning candles and some bossa nova for the cozy feel.
Even the jasmine scent gives a sense of calmness to the room.
With you sitting in front of me, I could not ask for more.

You have beautiful eyes.
How curious I did not notice that before.
They are more noticeable tonight,
especially when you smile like that.

With a lighted cigarette on my right hand, I listen to your stories. This is your time because the last time you listened to mine. You are opening things that I did not expect to hear. Personal and revealing yet still so appealing. Your compliments with my cooking is making me blush a bit. One shy smile is what it takes to acknowledge it. I pour more wine to your glass and you clearly like that. You are showing me a different side of you and I have to admit, I enjoy every minute.

You have beautiful eyes.
Those hazelnut brown eyes are so captivating.
They show light and life from you,
especially when you blush like that.

I open another bottle of red wine. I have been keeping it for that one special night and tonight is that night. I pour some to your glass hoping you will love it. I am happy you accepted my invitation tonight. After everything that has been said and done the other night, I know you would agree to this. I have told you things about myself that I do not usually share. You are one brave soul to return.

And for that, a song for you.

Secret - The Pierces

You have beautiful eyes.
A little bit lost, on the verge of void.
It brings peace to me looking straight to your eyes,
especially when they are departed.

“Yes two can keep a secret, if one of us is…. dead.” – Secret, The Pierces.

*****
This piece is totally fictional and was inspired by the song embedded on this piece.

Iridescent/Stop, Look, Listen

Iridescent

I am intimidated but
I am still interested.

I am certain I like you though
I am doubtful that’s how you feel too.

I am flattered by that piercing look yet
I am worried my interpretation is off the hook.

I am missing that peculiar happy sound and
I am missing the radiance in you I found.

I am happy to be an admirer from a distance even when
I am certain that I will be happier if you are with me this instance.


*****


Stop Look Listen

Stop.
Do not over analyze.
Believe in sincerity.
Believe in the possibility.

Look.
Beyond the self-made persona,
beyond the impression,
there’s a gem to be found.

Listen.
Words may not be smooth and slick.
Words may be bland and less blooming,
but they surely come with promises of the Holidays.

Joaqui as per Facebook Quizzes

With lack of better things to do I indulged myself to some of the quizzes that Facebook is known for. Here are some of the quizzes I took with their corresponding results. Personally, I think the validity of the results are on shaky ground but oh well no one said I should take them seriously. Just like how everyone else will respond to these quizzes, if it is nice then I accept if not, I am in full disagreement.


“What love story are you?”

Result: Christian and Satine of Moulin Rouge.
Moulin Rouge is a tragic love story about a couple who love. With a love so strong that nothing can compare. Your love story is similar. You love each other very much, and would do anything for each other, but one tragic day your match leaves and you are left alone to cry. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love....and be loved in return."

I love the movie and how they incorporated contemporary songs to a story that supposedly happened even before the songwriters were born. I don’t mind to be Nicole Kidman or Ewan McGregor.


“What deadly sin are you?”

Result: Vanity.
The selfish sin is to be "vainglorious" and think of oneself better than all others. Arrogance blocks the Divine as well as other persons from the heart. Pride is invariably seen as a lion with its opposing virtue being Humility.

What can I say? Vanity is my favorite sin.


“What legendary creature are you?”

Result: Griffin.
You are majestic and powerful, possessing abilities that transcend both land and sky. Your life is spent in service to a divine creed. You’re a guardian of good. Because of this loyalty and selflessness you are respected and revered.

Wow. This is in contrary to the previous one, ei? My selflessness is the reason why I am revered and respected. What respect?


“Friends Test: Which character do you remind?”

Result: Ross Gellar.
You remind Ross who is intelligent and geeky and known for his good general knowledge – he believes he can easily name all the states in USA as every sophisticated adult should be able to do. However, Ross is also very sentimental and tender (he is the crybaby in the Geller family). He cannot flirt but his good and sweet heart attracts women. He loves being with his friends and is actually a very supportive, caring and popular friend.

Well, Ross is Ross but my favorite character remains --- Phoebe.


“What kind of kiss are you?”

Result: Passionate Kiss.
You are the perfect kisser, the kisser of all time. You know when to kiss, and you kiss at the right moment. You put your feelings into every connection of the lips, and that, is what everybody wants....Where did you learn?

I refuse to give any comment. However, for those who wants to know there's only one way to find out.

Uneven But Not Odd

He does that, a lot.

Bite his lower lip
If only to stop himself
From expressing sheer joy

But his eyes do not lie
They show you what his heart feels
That even his half smile cannot deny

He does that, a lot.

Hold his other hand
If only to stop himself
From holding yours

But his words are sincere
They tenderly touch your heart
That even the most jaded one will succumb

But he does not,

Say the right words or
Do the sweet things.

He does not,

Reside in the same wavelength or
Leave a charming impression.

He does that a lot…

Show you that he is in love,

But he does not…

Know that you are not in love.


*** This poem came to be after listening to a song earlier which I already forgot the title. This is not based on my personal experience. :)

Finding Your Rice

Early this year, I was invited to a house warming party by a friend from high school somewhere in Quezon City. He was my classmate back in secondary school and now he works as a doctor somewhere in Pasig. He is one of those people I know who scales high on wealth but really low on arrogance. I can go on and on and I have nothing but good words for him so I’ll stop before I’ll bore myself and kill myself of envy. Besides this article is not really about him but more on what he said in our conversation during the party.

HE said,

“I am looking for my rice. Magsasawa ka sa ulam pero hindi sa kanin.”

Hmmm.... but does that mean, even if you have your rice, you can have viands alongside? Well, you can’t eat just rice. So, should the rice just take it as it is? That the rice may be a staple but the rice without the viand is just a grain boiled to softness, bland and oh-so-fattening.

Well, it can only be bland for the unimaginative. You can always cook it in different ways. Boil it with different herbs for variety or just spice it up with a variety of condiments. You can even explore the world of fried rice that even toppings are not necessary.

After a long discussion and exchange of ideas in that conversation, we just agreed, that even after how many viands that may have touched your palette, or even with all the viands served in front of you, you will always look for rice.

Maybe Not Just Yet

I woke up this morning with a message from my best friend on top of all the messages in my inbox. She was asking if she can forward my resume for a job posting in the company that she is working for. I replied positively yet with a clear void of excitement. It hit me that this would possibly be my nth time to be interviewed for that company. Do I want another one? How many rejections do I need to convince myself that it’s not really meant to be.

After a few more exchange of messages with my best friend, I can’t help but scream out loud in the confines of my dark cold room,

“how many punches do you need to take before you throw the white flag.”

Hearing how crisp and piercing each word lingered in the room, I realized I may not only be talking about the job or the company anymore.

There are times when you give it more and there are times that you just give up. And now, I may be on the verge of giving up, not only for that seemingly elusive placement in that company but also for that, yeah, that-thing-that-must-not-be-named.



After writing this, I heard my phone ring and saw a very familiar name flashing on the screen of my phone. Before answering the phone I thought to myself, “... maybe not just yet.”

Say it/Don't Say it

Formal and cordial
Nah, a little less formal
A bit more cordial

Straightforward, honest
On the verge of rudeness even
But charming in delivery

Sugar coated and candy sprinkled
Yet with a tang of darkness
Dark chocolate, that is

Meaningful, simple
No flowers and colors
Just simply meant

Sorry

Act 1. A friend of mine butted in while I was having this trivial discussion with a colleague.

“He’s like that. He always wants to have the last say.”
“Of course not.”
“See, even that he will not just let me state my opinion without refuting it.”
“You are talking about me. Can I not just defend myself?”

Act 2. I was in a discussion with a friend about my actions in the past months.

“When I was told about it, I did not judge you. But now, hearing you confirm it, then I’m judging you, Joaqui.”
“But I did not do anything wrong.”
“You did! Do you ever admit you are wrong?”
“Of course, I do. It’s just that I don’t think I did something wrong.”


I am not a saint. I did things in my life that lack the better judgement of a conservative and “men for others” upbringing. Being a fan of courtroom drama series in my teenage years, I learned that I can get away with any crime just so long I can convince people to give me that not guilty verdict. I would never describe myself as self-righteous and egotistical that is why it is a bit alarming when some new friends tell me that I am. I do acknowledge mistakes and I do my best to learn from them. I am not too proud to say sorry when I know I did something wrong. In fact, I can be the first one to say sorry to someone who may have wronged me.

As I look at the unflattering skyline of Makati just outside of my place, with a lighted light cigarette on my hand and extrastrong mint in my mouth, doing some introspection I realized that I may have done something that I would not want to be reciprocated to me. And for that let me say,

I am sorry. I sincerely apologize for going there when I know I should not have. I will not even try to explain for what is done is done and I cannot take it back. I did cross the line and it was not the best decision back then. I am sorry for the pain that it may have caused you. I know you are a good friend, a very good friend, in fact, and all your friends can attest to that. And I could have been one of those friends that could give a truthful testimonial of the great friendship you can offer but by doing what I did, I stupidly gave up that opportunity. Again, I am sorry. Just a few days back, you showed you were indeed a good person, by linking the bridge of friendship once again. I may have been too arrogant then to realize that I offended you but that is not the case now. Thank you for being you and I apologize for being me in that whole phase. One more time, I am very sorry and I wish you love and happiness, because you truly, truly deserve it.

They say, saying sorry is hard but it is harder when you say it to a person with a beautiful heart but when you mean it, it is not that hard after all. With this, a very valuable lesson is learned and will be kept for the rest of my days.

Just Coffee Tonight

With less sleep than the usual, I got this message from a friend literally with eyes half open.

“Are you free tonight?”

It was the weekend, so I woke up at around dusk, I replied,

“Why? What do you have in mind?”

“Sex.”

“Nope.”

“Coffee then.”

“Sure.”

I guess, when you are no longer that into the person, coffee is a better option.

Are you a Sexual Person?

The bestfriend of someone I fancy before blatatnly asked me this,

“Are you a sexual person?”

If I remember it correctly, I replied with a very reserved smile hoping to brush aside the topic.

“...because he is.” He continued.

I fully understand the importance of sexual compatibility in a relationship. It is not the most important thing in a relationship but it is important, nonetheless. Some people may not be fluent in expressing their love in words but some would often show it in their actions. In sex, there are some things that you will only do to a person that you love and not to someone in a one-night-stand kind of thing.

A friend of mine was once asked if he spits or swallows. His answer was simple yet heavy with meaning, “only if I love the person.”

“Why? Will it taste sweeter if it comes from the one you love?”

My friend replied with a very strict, “basta.”

My friend maybe incapable to sew words together to back up this gesture but he was able to prove a point. Well, at least to me, he did.

Yes, sex is just sex. However, there’s also a reason why it is called making love. And I beleive, at the end of the day, no matter how many great sex we have had in our lifetime, the times we made love will still be the most memorable.

Chasing Pavements

I'm so over with chasing pavements but not with this song... at least not yet.



The official video is wonderful but this one is nice too. Adele is awesome. She has this great voice to back up the simple yet meaningful lyrics perfect for the melody that lingers long after the song stopped playing.

In Time

You are probably still asleep right now,
dreaming of things unknown to the whole world.

Or

You are already awake but still in bed,
thinking of your plans for the day... for the week.

Or

You are probably enjoying the conversation with your family,
eating the sumptuous meal your mother prepared.

Or

You could be out with your friends for a late lunch or coffee,
talking about happy memories or future bonding plans.

Or

You could be just like me, amidst all the things going around,
imagining that one day when we will finally meet.

Or

You could be anyone doing anything at all right now. You could even still be in a relationship right now but in time, we will meet. We will quit the search and know that we found what we have been searching for.

In the meantime, we go on with our lives. We go with the flow and ride the waves of life because it may not be the time yet but it is definitely destined. In time, it will be our time.

25

Being tagged by Aris, and seeing a lot of people in the bandwagon, might as well join in.

What better way to return than to introduce, or reintroduce myself through 25 random things about me.

So, here goes...

25. In Outlook, I arrange my inbox by sender. When I check the emails, I always start at the bottom making my way to the top.

24. I browse, and then read, magazines from the last page to the cover page.

23. My favorite ice cream flavor is the classic Vanilla. But for gellato, I would go for Sansrival from Amici.

22. I prefer white sauce for my pasta over red. Same for wine, I like white wine more than red.

21. I intend to be a millionaire before 30, the latest. How? Still figuring out.

20. I dance. I also sing. However, my friends tell me I should stick with dancing.

19. Thanks to "A Very Special Love", I became a John Lloyd fan.

18. The soundtrack of "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" is what I listen to when I'm down. My favorites are "The Worst Pies in London" and "Not While I'm Around."

17. I live in Makati, I work in Ortigas, I unwind in Manila and Quezon City.

16. Nicotine source: Winston Lights, DJ Mix Strawberry flavor and Sobraine Lights.

15. I prefer San Mig Light over Red Horse Beer, Sprite over Coke, pineapple juice over orange juice.

14. For my salad, I prefer creamy dressing over vinaigrette.

13. I enjoy long walks... alone.

12. I am probably a millionaire by now if I were to get a grand every time I've been asked this question, "Do you workout?"

11. I am sperm donor no. 4 to a friend.

10. I wanted to have a kid when I was 20.

9. Almost all of the girls I pursued before are now either married or with kids.

8. I grew up watching Dawson's Creek. I had a huge crush on Katie Holmes back then.

7. I have kept the same mobile number for more than 5 years now... and counting.

6. Hot Vanilla for me if it's CBTL, Vanilla Cream or Coffee Jelly if it's Starbucks.

5. I've been to some key cities in Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao.

4. I'm a blue eagle hailing from the south.

3. I only intend to live until 40 years old.

2. "Vanity is my favorite sin." - Devil's Advocate

1. I came out, officially, December 2006.

goodnight

Days passed.
Thoughts lingered.
Decision confirmed.

Bridges are to be crossed
but most definitely not burned.
Doors are to be closed
but not locked.

Sometimes,
there’s a need to block the sun
if only to appreciate
the next time it shines.

Until the sun rises again, with gratitude I bid you all, good night.




"Don't say goodbye, say goodnight so it's not over
and if you try and answer why it's just over, it's goodbye”

Don’t Say Goodbye, Say Goodnight, by Binocular

Just One Last Serving

It has been brewing for quite some time now.
The aroma was getting stronger each minute.
And in time, it will be ready.
It will be perfect to be served.

A quick sip gave a hint of what was coming.
The taste was there but a bit bland.
Clearly, it needed to be stirred.
The next round was a bit more obvious.

It was served as expected.
Humbly it was accepted.
It was cold as intended.
Yet, proceeded; unaffected.

Ah, this is how it tastes.
More bitter than sweet.
It awakens the senses
and opens the eyes widely.

Words travel astray.
So, theory made into reality.
Anonymity vs. Animosity.
Points taken, no worries.

After the charade, thoughts wander.
A query awaits an answer.
The drink was accepted but
“who will eat the cake?”