About Me

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No expectations. No frustrations. Just light, ready to take flight.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Maybe Not Just Yet

I woke up this morning with a message from my best friend on top of all the messages in my inbox. She was asking if she can forward my resume for a job posting in the company that she is working for. I replied positively yet with a clear void of excitement. It hit me that this would possibly be my nth time to be interviewed for that company. Do I want another one? How many rejections do I need to convince myself that it’s not really meant to be.

After a few more exchange of messages with my best friend, I can’t help but scream out loud in the confines of my dark cold room,

how many punches do you need to take before you throw the white flag.

Hearing how crisp and piercing each word lingered in the room, I realized I may not only be talking about the job or the company anymore.

There are times when you give it more and there are times that you just give up. And now, I may be on the verge of giving up, not only for that seemingly elusive placement in that company but also for that, yeah, that-thing-that-must-not-be-named.

After writing this, I heard my phone ring and saw a very familiar name flashing on the screen of my phone. Before answering the phone I thought to myself, “... maybe not just yet.”

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Say it/Don't Say it

Formal and cordial
Nah, a little less formal
A bit more cordial

Straightforward, honest
On the verge of rudeness even
But charming in delivery

Sugar coated and candy sprinkled
Yet with a tang of darkness
Dark chocolate, that is

Meaningful, simple
No flowers and colors
Just simply meant

Monday, March 23, 2009


Act 1. A friend of mine butted in while I was having this trivial discussion with a colleague.

“He’s like that. He always wants to have the last say.”
“Of course not.”
“See, even that he will not just let me state my opinion without refuting it.”
“You are talking about me. Can I not just defend myself?”

Act 2. I was in a discussion with a friend about my actions in the past months.

“When I was told about it, I did not judge you. But now, hearing you confirm it, then I’m judging you, Joaqui.”
“But I did not do anything wrong.”
“You did! Do you ever admit you are wrong?”
“Of course, I do. It’s just that I don’t think I did something wrong.”

I am not a saint. I did things in my life that lack the better judgement of a conservative and “men for others” upbringing. Being a fan of courtroom drama series in my teenage years, I learned that I can get away with any crime just so long I can convince people to give me that not guilty verdict. I would never describe myself as self-righteous and egotistical that is why it is a bit alarming when some new friends tell me that I am. I do acknowledge mistakes and I do my best to learn from them. I am not too proud to say sorry when I know I did something wrong. In fact, I can be the first one to say sorry to someone who may have wronged me.

As I look at the unflattering skyline of Makati just outside of my place, with a lighted light cigarette on my hand and extrastrong mint in my mouth, doing some introspection I realized that I may have done something that I would not want to be reciprocated to me. And for that let me say,

I am sorry. I sincerely apologize for going there when I know I should not have. I will not even try to explain for what is done is done and I cannot take it back. I did cross the line and it was not the best decision back then. I am sorry for the pain that it may have caused you. I know you are a good friend, a very good friend, in fact, and all your friends can attest to that. And I could have been one of those friends that could give a truthful testimonial of the great friendship you can offer but by doing what I did, I stupidly gave up that opportunity. Again, I am sorry. Just a few days back, you showed you were indeed a good person, by linking the bridge of friendship once again. I may have been too arrogant then to realize that I offended you but that is not the case now. Thank you for being you and I apologize for being me in that whole phase. One more time, I am very sorry and I wish you love and happiness, because you truly, truly deserve it.

They say, saying sorry is hard but it is harder when you say it to a person with a beautiful heart but when you mean it, it is not that hard after all. With this, a very valuable lesson is learned and will be kept for the rest of my days.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Just Coffee Tonight

With less sleep than the usual, I got this message from a friend literally with eyes half open.

“Are you free tonight?”

It was the weekend, so I woke up at around dusk, I replied,

“Why? What do you have in mind?”



“Coffee then.”


I guess, when you are no longer that into the person, coffee is a better option.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Are you a Sexual Person?

The bestfriend of someone I fancy before blatatnly asked me this,

Are you a sexual person?

If I remember it correctly, I replied with a very reserved smile hoping to brush aside the topic.

...because he is.” He continued.

I fully understand the importance of sexual compatibility in a relationship. It is not the most important thing in a relationship but it is important, nonetheless. Some people may not be fluent in expressing their love in words but some would often show it in their actions. In sex, there are some things that you will only do to a person that you love and not to someone in a one-night-stand kind of thing.

A friend of mine was once asked if he spits or swallows. His answer was simple yet heavy with meaning, “only if I love the person.

Why? Will it taste sweeter if it comes from the one you love?

My friend replied with a very strict, “basta.

My friend maybe incapable to sew words together to back up this gesture but he was able to prove a point. Well, at least to me, he did.

Yes, sex is just sex. However, there’s also a reason why it is called making love. And I beleive, at the end of the day, no matter how many great sex we have had in our lifetime, the times we made love will still be the most memorable.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Chasing Pavements

I'm so over with chasing pavements but not with this song... at least not yet.

The official video is wonderful but this one is nice too. Adele is awesome. She has this great voice to back up the simple yet meaningful lyrics perfect for the melody that lingers long after the song stopped playing.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

In Time

You are probably still asleep right now,
dreaming of things unknown to the whole world.


You are already awake but still in bed,
thinking of your plans for the day... for the week.


You are probably enjoying the conversation with your family,
eating the sumptuous meal your mother prepared.


You could be out with your friends for a late lunch or coffee,
talking about happy memories or future bonding plans.


You could be just like me, amidst all the things going around,
imagining that one day when we will finally meet.


You could be anyone doing anything at all right now. You could even still be in a relationship right now but in time, we will meet. We will quit the search and know that we found what we have been searching for.

In the meantime, we go on with our lives. We go with the flow and ride the waves of life because it may not be the time yet but it is definitely destined. In time, it will be our time.

Sunday, March 1, 2009


Being tagged by Aris, and seeing a lot of people in the bandwagon, might as well join in.

What better way to return than to introduce, or reintroduce myself through 25 random things about me.

So, here goes...

25. In Outlook, I arrange my inbox by sender. When I check the emails, I always start at the bottom making my way to the top.

24. I browse, and then read, magazines from the last page to the cover page.

23. My favorite ice cream flavor is the classic Vanilla. But for gellato, I would go for Sansrival from Amici.

22. I prefer white sauce for my pasta over red. Same for wine, I like white wine more than red.

21. I intend to be a millionaire before 30, the latest. How? Still figuring out.

20. I dance. I also sing. However, my friends tell me I should stick with dancing.

19. Thanks to "A Very Special Love", I became a John Lloyd fan.

18. The soundtrack of "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" is what I listen to when I'm down. My favorites are "The Worst Pies in London" and "Not While I'm Around."

17. I live in Makati, I work in Ortigas, I unwind in Manila and Quezon City.

16. Nicotine source: Winston Lights, DJ Mix Strawberry flavor and Sobraine Lights.

15. I prefer San Mig Light over Red Horse Beer, Sprite over Coke, pineapple juice over orange juice.

14. For my salad, I prefer creamy dressing over vinaigrette.

13. I enjoy long walks... alone.

12. I am probably a millionaire by now if I were to get a grand every time I've been asked this question, "Do you workout?"

11. I am sperm donor no. 4 to a friend.

10. I wanted to have a kid when I was 20.

9. Almost all of the girls I pursued before are now either married or with kids.

8. I grew up watching Dawson's Creek. I had a huge crush on Katie Holmes back then.

7. I have kept the same mobile number for more than 5 years now... and counting.

6. Hot Vanilla for me if it's CBTL, Vanilla Cream or Coffee Jelly if it's Starbucks.

5. I've been to some key cities in Luzon, Visayas and Mindanao.

4. I'm a blue eagle hailing from the south.

3. I only intend to live until 40 years old.

2. "Vanity is my favorite sin." - Devil's Advocate

1. I came out, officially, December 2006.