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No expectations. No frustrations. Just light, ready to take flight.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Dejavu

Once again, it was the time of day when I do my habitual walk. So, I passed by familiar spaces with the feeling still of a total outsider. Each visit felt like the first time for me so I relish every stride with no need to hasten. Each visit differed from the last time and the last space. At times I lingered more than the usual and other times I leaped in an instant upon seeing no difference.

After a few stop over, I paced myself to the next one. I did not notice a new arrival until I indulged my eyes further and gave in to sheer curiosity. I sat down, staring at the space trying to absorb all I can without making any assumptions. I noticed some people took the same excursion and left some things behind to remember them by. I checked each one of them and was drawn to one that felt like talked to me directly. I tried to contact the person who left it there. I was stirred. I wanted to ask questions. I wanted to hear answers. I wanted to seek advices.

I scrambled to the nearest clinic to fulfill this sense of urgency but the doctor was out. With no one to ask questions to, no one to hear answers from, no one to seek advices from, I inhaled deeply taking in untainted cold air. I slowly closed my eyes and asked the questions aloud hoping to hear answers that will eventually transform themselves to advices that will hint me of what to do next.

I got no reply. I let it pass.

I just thought, maybe the answers I needed were out partying on a weeknight.

I again took in a mouthful of untainted cold air as I open my eyes wishing for the same effect when I spoil myself with damaged air. Unfortunately, my lungs knew better and it recognized the disparity.

So, I stood up though stirred I remain unmoved. I waited with no clear vision of what I'm waiting for. I waited some more until a wave of familiarity knocked me off my feet. This happened before. Different medium, different time, but very similar expectations, very similar demands.

I continued to walk but this time I took a different route but with very similar stride. I took one step after the other memorizing each stroke totally unmindful of the destination. It made me think again why I do my walks alone. I do not want to be pushed to reach the end prematurely nor do I want to be pulled by my hand to hasten the journey.

I like it slow for it gives me the luxury to enjoy the sights and sounds that adorned the way. Sometimes, when everything around me goes by so fast I put value on the journey. I try to enjoy every minute of it as I see right before my eyes how things fall in their proper places all in perfect timing.

15 comments:

boying said...

sabi nga ni ewik, "seize the moment".

hehehe.

savor every moment. taste it. feel it. take it. take it in your hands.

go, JM.

Aris said...

being alone does not mean being lonely. being with yourself can be your happiest moment. :)

Mr. Scheez said...

Wow, I so can relate. =)

joaqui_miguel said...

@boying: Thanks boying. We'll see about that! :)

@aris: Very true. I enjoy "me time" a lot! hehehe

@mr. scheez: Glad to know. hehehe

Mugen said...

I continued to walk but this time I took a different route but with very similar stride. I took one step after the other memorizing each stroke totally unmindful of the destiantion. It made me think again why I do my walks alone. I do not want to be pushed to reach the end prematurely nor do I want to be pulled by my hand to hasten the journey.

because we get to see the world in our own perspective.

joaqui_miguel said...

@mugen: True. :)

Hope everything is well with you. :)

JoShMaRie said...

natawa ako sa title ng blog mo. Just Drik Milk. It reminds me of my mom. Haha.

joaqui_miguel said...

@joshmarie: :)

Thanks for dropping by. You are welcome to come back! :)

RONeiluke, RN said...

mahilig ako maglakad. helps me think clearly :)

joaqui_miguel said...

@roneiluke,rn: Same here. Same here. :)

Lance said...

for me it's like a parola experience. there's something about seeing things in our own perspective that makes us either glad, sad or just plainly endowed by the moments that slowly pass through us...

RONeiluke, RN said...

walking is somewhat therapeutic. minsan hindi ko napapansin ang oras. hehehe!

sabi nga ni roland: "we see the world as we are..." being subjcetive is one of our nature.

cool read. certified melamine free :)

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thanks for visiting, mate :)

joaqui_miguel said...

@lance: Every walk is different from another and it brings about different emotions each and every time.

@roneiluke,rn: hehehe Sure is Melamine-free. lol

Thanks! :)

KRIS JASPER said...

i usually walk....

on threadmills.

anyway, you wrote this well that I feel like it's me experiencing it. very detailed. sigh... i wish I can write like you.

joaqui_miguel said...

Hi kris!

How are you?

Wow! Thanks so much for the compliment! I appreciate it big time. :)