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No expectations. No frustrations. Just light, ready to take flight.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Just One of Those Nights

It started with a message from my brother last Saturday morning. Although it has been lingering for quite some time now, somehow I have learned to deal with it. But then sometimes the cup empties sooner than we expect. Now, I am back to where I was after watching Daybreak.

I have a family, though faraway, I know cares and loves me unconditionally. I have a very good set of friends that is always there for me. But at the end of the day, I go home alone. I go to bed alone. I sleep alone.

Tonight I will settle with Meryl Streep and Pierce Brosnan serenading me with ABBA songs with the hope of supressing what is imminently coming. I will be content with those adorable stares from John Lloyd Cruz and be lost and suspended from my own reality. Tonight I will survive with a bottle of wine left from a dinner date on my left hand and a freshly opened pack of flavoured cancer sticks on my right.

I know tonight will pass and it will gloriously end in a dream. And tomorrow is a new day. A new week, a new beginning.

And when the cup is threatened to be empty again, I will always have my wine and cigarettes.

I just wonder, how many bottles and packs do I need to last me a lifetime?

23 comments:

RONeiluke, RN said...

hmmm... alone? sad? kung ako sa kalagayan mo i'll probably do the same things you did. drown myself in watching movies and DVD's...

but i don't smoke. hehehe!

hope everything turns around for u :)

Aris said...

hello joaqui. i was hoping to find you in Bed last sat pero hindi ka pala gumimik. minsan, ganyan din ang feeling ko. gusto ko lang magbabad sa kama, manood ng dvd at kumain nang kumain even on a saturday night. para bang bonding with myself hehe! anyway, i hope you are feeling better. have a great week ahead. :)

Mr. Scheez said...

Pareho tayo. Though I don't drink and I don't smoke. Nagbababad lang sa bahay sa panonood ng mga DVD.

Chyng said...

kame gumimik lst sat!

nweis,
if everything seems perfectly fine but still felt something's missing- kulang lang yan sa Diyos.. pray lang yan, it works!

boying said...

no, you are not alone.

dabo said...

well... all the bottles and packs you need.. at least you are not broke. cheers!

joaqui_miguel said...

@roneiluke,rn: Thank God for all the feel good movies out there.

I feel a lot better now. Thanks! :)

@aris: I was there! I was with Mcvie, Tristan and Mugen!

I was hoping to find you there, too. I guess, it's not yet time. lol

@mr. scheez: Feel good movies are great comforters.

@chyng: Yeah, you went to Malate last Saturday! I saw you with your boyfriend. We almost bumped into each other. hehehe

@boying: Yeah, I know. Somehow that thought lessen the sadness sometimes.

@dabo: hahaha. True. Thanks! :)

Aris said...

i was looking for mcvie, di ko sya nakita. sayang, sana nag-meet na tayo nina tristan. in time... :)

joaqui_miguel said...

We were near the DJ's booth.

In time. :)

RONeiluke, RN said...

hahaha! i so agree with you. feel good movies could really help us through the dark times. hehehe! cool to know you feel better now :)

i-upload mo na rin yung mga upbeat songs mo. hehehe!

thanks for dropping by:)

dazedblu* said...

Hmm, ganyan din ako minsan.. Xd
Well [I] hoep thigns will be better for yew :)

joaqui_miguel said...

@roneiluke,rn: I was ok earlier, now I'm on my way down the pit again. Talk about a rollercoaster ride.

Listening to Duets with Thor. And it does not help at all. The masochist in me is being stroked.

@dazedblu*: Thanks. :)

KRIS JASPER said...

that makes the 2 of us... Trying to start this week OK.

Unfortunately, no smoking and drinking for me...

I chill with my pills.

Turismoboi said...

mamma mia ba un?

di ko pa napanood un ah

joaqui_miguel said...

@kris jasper: I wish I have pills. I reckon it will be easier with pills than alcohol and smoke.

@turismoboi: Yup. Not a great film but good enough to put a little smile on your face. :)

Bryan Anthony the First said...

i hope it's red, white is not good for you.

and the nicotine your better off wihtout, quit 'em

dancing queen...no comment!

here's to new beginnings!

joaqui_miguel said...

@bryan anthony the first: Yup, red indeed! :)

Everyone is saying I should quit or at least lessen my smoking. They ask me right after "Do you want to die?"

As much as I want to quit, my answer to the question is yes.

I skipped that part. Thanks to the fast forward button. lol :)

odin hood said...

please stop smoking.

go positivity! :P

joaqui_miguel said...

@odin hood: Thanks! :)

wanderingcommuter said...

may tanong ako..bakit ang galing mo?

joaqui_miguel said...

@wanderingcommuter: Yikes!

How do I answer this? Hmmm...

I pressure myself to do well because my visitors are of great caliber and it will be a shame if I will not, at least, try to be at par with them. Take note, operative word is "try". hehehe :)

Thanks for appreciating! :)

Chyng said...

really? ay andaya,, di mo man lang ako ininform that it is you!

so, wer in malate did we almost bump into each other?

joaqui_miguel said...

@chyng: You were with your boyrfriend. I did not want to interfere with your quality time together. lol

Nakpil Street near Gilligan's, i think. hehehe