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No expectations. No frustrations. Just light, ready to take flight.

Monday, September 8, 2008

All in One Night

The usual Bed scene was at full swing when I arrived a little over two o’clock that night. It was crowded with PLUs from across the whole gay spectrum; from the newbies to the experts, from the softies to the toughies, from the obvious to the ambiguous. The music was expectantly fabulous and the lights were unexpectedly bright. Everyone was moving either lost in the rhythm or lost in the crowd and looking for their buddies. I weaved my way through the Dean and Trents, F&Hs, People are Peoples, Topmans and what-have-yous to reach my favorite spot. This spot gives me a decent view of the guys dancing on the ledge with gorgeous bodies and faces that makes you want to scream, “wow, dear god” to the occasional “why dear god”. As I was doing the routinely ocular inspection I was surprised to see three guys I never expected to see in one night, Mr. I-will-not-have, Mr. I- cannot- have and Mr. I-did-not-have.

*******

Mr. I-will-not-have is probably the best looking PLU I have ever seen. He has eyes that could melt your heart, smile that could get him a spot in a toothpaste commercial (with dimples to match) and skin close to perfection. His aura was so overwhelmingly humble when in fact he has all the reasons to be boastful. He was wearing what I thought he wore when I first saw him, a green polo shirt, denim pants and green cap. He was with a different guy this time but the whole motion was so reminiscent with the last time. His companion donned this expression of conceit for being with the arguably best looking guy in the bar yet every time Mr. I-will-not-have was approached by other guys he would shrink to a speck in an instant. More than a couple approached him that night but I was content to look at him from afar. I am contented with the occasional eye-to-eye contact that we have that does not fail to make me smile. Looking from afar, also gave me a clear view of the motions. He is not to be blamed if a lot of guys showed interest in him same thing as his companion is not to be blamed to feel conceit one minute then reduced to a dwarf the next minute in instances like that. For that very reason, I know I will not have him for I know I am not equipped for that constant emotional roller coaster ride.

Mr. I-cannot-have is a celebrity of some sort. I first saw his pictures online when he joined some kind of beauty pageant for PLUs. He has a strong jaw line, beautiful smile and smooth skin all-in-all totaling to a boy next door look yet his body would tell you that he is no longer a boy. He is a man with well developed muscular body and tattoos of what seemingly his dreams on his broad shoulders. I never knew much of him until I saw him in a reality television show. Although I personally think he looked better when I saw him in a shop of People are People a few months back, I still made it a point to catch him every week on the show and get my weekly dose of his smile, personality and body. I know a lot of people are turned off with him but I just couldn’t get myself to join them. He has this certain effect on me that transcends words. It is not hazy to me that we may be worlds apart. He is a celebrity and the closest that I can get to that status is being teased to look like one. I also distinctly remember him saying that he is not into long-term relationships, it just so happens that I prefer one.

Mr. I-did-not-have is an acquaintance I met through a colleague. He was one of the people I met during my baptismal to the Bed scene. He is kind of short yet he has a face that could make him stand tall. He has a smile that could make some guys swoon and his style was something most guys would like to own. Every time we meet we exchange casual hellos and goodbyes. Though at times I can feel some sexual tension in some of our unexpected encounters, I learned to brush it off each and every single time. When I was introduced to him he was then so into my colleague which baffled me no end. Now that their relation is estranged, I still cannot get past the fact that he first met my friend. I may be attracted to him still but I resolved that I am not my friend’s recycle bin.

*******

The music was getting louder and the lights were getting busier. I closed my eyes and let the loud music silence me even just for a few seconds. I submitted myself to the wave of the rhythm splashed all across the bar. I slowly moved my body and allowed to be consumed by the energy pumped inside the bar. Every bump of another body to mine fed the energy and convinced me to continue. Then out of nowhere, I felt a unique bump from the back. I felt the warmth of the body that was seemingly familiar. It had a comforting effect on me. I slowly opened my eyes and gave a final glance to the Mr. I-will-not-have, Mr. I-cannot-have and Mr. I-did-not-have. I then looked back and acknowledged what I have.

26 comments:

wanderingcommuter said...

love the finale!!!

grandeux!

tama yan, kapag hindi pwede. maging praktikal! pero siyempre mas maganda kung malaman nila, there loss of not doing the first move. naks!!!

Aris said...

beautiful writing, joaqui!

you captured the ambiance of my favorite place i can almost taste it!

when was this? nandoon kaya ako nang mangyari ito? :)

dabo said...

breathless.. you leave me one.. galing mo magdescribe..at tumalon-talon sa depth ng characters without losings the narrator's perspective



--- --

on what you are telling: hahaha ang kulet..at astig!

at tama, nacapture mo yung ambiance.. so hindi pa ako nakakapasok sa lugar na iyon, parang there's no need for me na

fish said...

havent been to those kind of places, but i think you have described it well enough for me to make a picture. great writing

joaqui_miguel said...

@wandering commuter: Thanks! :)

Mr. I-will-not-have and Mr. I cannot-have are very good looking I tell you and I doubt if they will make the first move mainly because I think they are used to being approached and not the other way around. They probably don't know how. lol

@aris: Thanks! :)

It was just last Saturday, September 06. Were you there?

@dabo: Wow! Thanks so much!

You never watched a pink film ever and never been to a PLU club? That's curious. :) I am relatively new to all of these. :)

@fish: Thanks so much!

Really? If you want to go there, we can arrange something. lol

Thanks for dropping by. :)

Mugen said...

Galing nga ng descriptions mo. The reason why I left BED is because I find the crowd there too high for me. You know, the rich, fabulous and glamorous one.

The moment my self-imposed exile is over. I'd try to feel the circuit again. Maybe I'd choose BED as my club for the week.

Tristan Tan said...

Another excellently written piece Joaqui!

On a personal note: I miss the old Malate scene - when Piggy's and Bio were still booming with Mr. Eat-All-You-Cans. Nyahaha.

joaqui_miguel said...

@mugen: I know what you mean. Those snotty bitches are still there. lol I guess, I just learned how to brush them aside.

Maybe I will see you there next week or the week after. :)

@tristan-tales: Thanks!

I told you to be easy with the compliments, I can be so gullible. lol

Yikes. I want to say that I know what you mean but I just can't. lol Geez, am I that young? lol
Kidding, tristan. :) You know I am, right?

Tristan Tan said...

joaqui - you are? nyahaha ;)

joaqui_miguel said...

@tristan tan: I am. :)

erin de la cruz said...

I was greatly moved. Felt like I spent my night at Bed with you and those Mr. Haves...

By the way, what does PLU stand for?

dabo said...

the thing is mabilis ako magsawa.. ahh i've been to gov't 3 times in just one week and that did it.. kumuha ng pix ng guy na natutulog, nakipaglandian sa bus, etc etc..

for me kasi ginagawa natin ang tingin nating kailangan natin, then sa mga things we don't need we set it aside, maybe some other time.. doing it or not don't make any difference on deeper sense, on being human being other than being a homo.. but always welcome if one comes my way

unless ililibre ako ni Mugen hahaha lol :)

dabo said...

by the way i told Mugen, you and roneiluke are amazing with words..and its undeniable

joaqui_miguel said...

@erin de la cruz: Thanks! :)

PLU means "people like us"; people with the same sexual orientation. You can visit vince's discreet manila blog and you can read a detailed definition.

@dabo: Same here. I easily get bored with things after trying it a few times. However, for now Malate has a special place in my heart. As I've written in the comments section in Mugen's blog, it's my escape. I mostly go there to feed my thirst to dance and temporarily be suspended from my reality. If you see me there, I'll be the one who dances there until they closes the bar. lol

I've been to Gov and I can say it is kinda different with O bar and Bed. I like the latter better.

Wow! Thanks so much! I appreciate the fact that you noticed it. I am touched. :)

Just like in a bar, I feed from the energy of every single body that hits mine when dancing, in this blogging world, I also feed my desire to write more because of you, my fellow bloggers, who write so well too and who appreciate what I write. Again, thanks so much!

:)

closet case said...

very well said, joaqui. well, mr i-cannot-have really looks good in friendster. i havent met him in person yet. i think it was his bday yesterday.

Chyng said...

i still visit BED kahit once a year. i love the crowd! sana we'll bump to each other some time! (pag nasa lege ka?) hehe

joelmcvie said...

Joaqui, nanliliit na ako sa writing skills mo. =)

You were there Saturday? My latest Bed entry naman happened the day before.

Haaay... the day Bed closes will be the passing of another Manila gay era.

joaqui_miguel said...

@closet case: Oh yeah? Are you linked in Friendster? I'm kinda jealous. lol

Oh well, happy birthday to him! :)

I saw him in person a couple of times already and I just melt inside when we have that eye-to-eye contact.

@chyng: It's a nice place to unwind and get a break from your oh so dreary reality.

Yeah, sure. The thing is, I rarely dance on the ledge. I am one of those who dances on the sidelines where the real action is. lol

@joelmcvie: OMG! Don't! You write oh-so-very-well. I bow down to you, your greatness. :)

Yup, I was there last Saturday. So you were there Friday? I was in O bar last Friday. hehehe

True. The optimist in me says that it will not be happening anytime soon. :)

Looking For The Source said...

nice. nice.

sept 6. i was in malate too!

nyahahah!!

parang nakita kita palabas ng bed! nyahahah... echoz!!

wayne G na sa sept 13!

joaqui_miguel said...

@looking for the source: I thought I saw you too. Lol

Maybe in time we can arrange a night out together... maybe.. in time. :)

Yeah, I want to go but the thing is I'll be out of town. No Malate for me this weekend. :(

Looking For The Source said...

ha ha.

yeah we should arrange for a bloggers nyt out! ha ha..

no malate for me too this weekend. out for inuman with friends.. unfortunately not in malate..

hmpf. hahabol ako kay wayne G! bakit ba! nyahahah...

joaqui_miguel said...

@looking for the source: Maybe.

In time, we will party together. lol

Mr. Scheez said...

Joaqui! Huhuhu, sorry. Type mo pala si Mr. I-cannot-have. Hayaan mo indi ko na sya ilalambast sa blog ko and I will just be objective sa critique ko sa designs nya =)

joaqui_miguel said...

@mr. scheez: :) Yikes. Don't think about it. It's not like it affects me directly. that's totally fine with me. :)

I was about to comment on your last entry about the last episode. But then, I was not really sure how you'll take it so I backed off. It would have read something like,

"You are being a little too hard on Eli. :(

However, I have to agree with you and Rajo. His creation was not even uniform-looking and it would have even failed as a cocktail dress. It was unimaginative and very disappointing after a win the other week.

Clearly, he took this challenge for granted due to his immunity. I just liked though what he said about showing the camraderie and not just the competetive side of the business or something like that." lol

Mr. Scheez said...

Okay lang na isulat mo yan. Any comment is welcome on my blog =) Ayaw ko lang talaga makapagsalita ng indi maganda sa mga crushie mo =P

joaqui_miguel said...

@mr. scheez: Don't worry about it. It's totally fine.

Remember, he is Mr. I-cannot-have, so you need not worry about talking trash about him. At times, I also think he needs it to keep him a bit grounded. lol

Please, don't stop lambasting him on your blog. You need not filter your words especially for someone he doesn't even know exists.