Thoughts drown me in their multitude
as they undulate with vigor and range.
I struggle and panic to get release
yet efforts serve futile for I am taken in.
All in my solitude I am consumed.
All in my solitude I am abused.
I want escape and I want it now.
I may be ready for my final bow.
Head above water I grasp for air
not just the ordinary kind will suffice.
I need it unclean, corrupted and damaged
by some expensive strawberry flavored stick.
As I inhale I feel control.
And another one it reaches my soul.
I close my eyes momentarily to gain focus.
I close my eyes to avoid a view of a circus.
It stopped. It settled.
I relaxed. I smiled.
Once more, I survived.
This was written with TLC's "Damaged" on loop on my online mp3 player. I heard this song on our way back to Manila from Tagaytay last weekend. Although I haven't heard the song for a long time and this was not exactly the last song I heard but I found myself singing the chorus every now and then ever since.
Camille, this is for you. :)