It was the usual for me as I was making my way to work --- the usual time, the usual mood, the usual route. Then you called. Now, that’s unusual. I was unsure in answering your call. I decided not to instead I sent you a message explaining why I can’t talk that time. This was the first time you reached out after some time so I asked you to call again but you didn’t. I sent another message, yet I got no reply.
After a while you called again. I answered. You were in distress. I was worried. You wanted me to meet you somewhere near your place. I seriously considered.
I have known you for more than a couple of years now and in your ways you helped me somehow. You were the stronger one between us two and I drew my strength from you at times. You were the matured one with your unsolicited advices. I remembered there was this time that I was close to falling apart and you were there to keep me intact. You had diversionary tactics that kept me away from my predicament, which by the way, were very effective. And for that I felt the need to be there for you --- as a friend.
We were exchanging messages and somehow you were hinting me of your problem. I gave you some words of advice hoping to help ease your trouble. I know you don’t drink a lot but you confessed on downing more than your limit. I expressed my sincere concern and I was thinking of ways on how to help you with your situation. I really wanted to be there for you and comfort you like what a friend does to another.
Then I got this message.
Taken aback, I just stared at my phone. I wasn’t quite sure what to feel. I was confused all of a sudden. All I could muster to reply was,
“is that just why you wanted me to go there?”
I felt objectified. Suddenly, I felt trivial, arbitrary even. I felt I was tricked. I wasn’t sure anymore if you were indeed in a difficult place. You were down and low and I was offering you my hand to help you stand up from where you lay but you wanted to grab something else between my legs.
After a while, I felt bad for not being a friend to you but I was not the kind of friend you needed that time. Looking back, you did not need a friend that time, you did not need me. You just wanted a fuck. You wanted some 20-minute-saliva-sharing-heat-diffusing-bodily-fluid-excretion-after-some-heavily-humping-and-stroking solution but I cannot give you that. No, not anymore.