What do you do when it sucks to be you?
It sucks that I am unworthy to receive what is given to me. And even if I am worthy, it sucks that I may not be ready to receive what is given to me. It sucks that I am even whining over what could be somebody else’s dream. And for that, the more I feel unworthy. I do not deserve all these. It may seem that I am ungrateful but I am not. I am grateful and I appreciate it… truly.
It sucks that what I want may not be deserving of what I want to give. And even if he is worth it, it sucks that I am settling for something less than what I deserve. I am more than a third of that you can give. It sucks that at one point I considered it. It sucks that I suck at the game I tried to play; the game that I continue to play.
It sucks that I may never get the chance to walk this path again but I cannot seem to make my feet stop. It sucks that this may be the start of what I have been waiting for but I cannot seem to figure out what to do first. It sucks that I do not know what to do.
Maybe I just love myself too much that I am afraid to get hurt. But if I truly love myself, I should allow myself to be loved. But should I, even if what I get is a piece of a whole? Should I, even if I feel that I don’t deserve it?
So what do you do when it sucks to be you?
If only I have the guts.
I want to take a bite of that apple and feel the sweetness of death. I want to touch that spindle and be in a peaceful slumber. Then one day, that fateful day, my prince charming will come, take me away and bring me to his castle far away. Just like a fairy tale.
Just like a fairy tale. I just want a happy ending. Not just for myself but for you and you as well. It pains me that we may have our happy endings separately. The happy ending drafted for you and you too may not have my name written there.
And just before the magic wears off at the stroke of midnight, I close my eyes and sit still to hear what my heart is whispering.
"You deserve to be happy and you sir needs to learn how to be happy."