Jay

I went to Cine Adarna in UP Diliman for the first time to view the Grand Prize Winner of Cinemalaya 2008.

“Jay” was worthy of its praises.

The movie was undoubtedly Filipino but broke away from typical Filipino film making.

It was touching yet without losing the tang of humor.

A great watch indeed.

Next attraction: 100.

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Choosing to stay doesn’t necessarily mean to actually stay. More often than not, the decision is not yours to be made.

You are just one of the faces in the crowd that can be ignored. Yours is a name in the long list that can be overlooked.

You are, after all, just a speck in a vast canvass of painting. One of the best, no doubt, but a speck nonetheless.

You are dispensable. Just like a commodity easily taken in and snappily taken out. Yup, buddy, just like that!

Never over appraise yourself for you are setting yourself for failure. Always dream but do not assume. Yes, you can hope but do not expect.

It’s shocking to say the least to hear the truth that negates your reality. It is painful to accept it as your new reality. It is torture to remain unchanged.

Run if you have to. Scream you know you want to. Calm down, you need to… but don’t wait for the confusion, rage and disappointment to turn stale. Break free from it all.

Don’t ground yourself on something unstable. Spread your wings and believe you can do it. Magnify the mistake they will regret forever.

Show them your wounds carefully treated while you flaunt them theirs disgustingly undressed and left to bleed.

Let them feel the blood as it gently streams down their coarse skin. Let them savor their meager triumph decaying on the worn out paper plate they explicitly revere.

For vengeance is always sweet but sweeter with blood.

Daybreak Breakdown

They were dancing slowly while gazing at each other's eyes.

“Ngunit kailangan kong indahin ang lamig ng gabi”

They stopped then he raised his hands to touch his face and let him feel the warmth of his love.

“Ngunit kailangan kong tanggapin na wala ka na sa tabi”

Slowly he rested his head on his shoulders and they continued to dance.

“Nag-iisa, wala ka na”

He hugged him as if saying, “Don’t worry. I will be here for you.”

“Wala ka na, nag-iisa”

His angel like face replied without words, “But I won’t.”

*******

I know a fight will be proven futile. The blade reached its aim and my veins consumed all venom. I am going down appropriately for all the time I showed the world a tough front, I know deep within I am weak. With my armor stripped off I wallow into the dark pit of desolation.


***lyrics from Noel Cabangon's "Nag-iisa, Wala ka na" - Daybreak -OST

My Top Waiter Moment

While I was in the middle of writing an entry about this experience I had in high school, I got an email from a friend about “The Top 21 Waiter Moments”. For someone that gets distracted easily, I naturally put that entry on hold and started working on another one. I opted to write about an incident relayed to me by my brother which I felt should have been part of that email.

There’s this restaurant back home that I really love going to. They serve really delicious food, with fresh ingredients and laid back and homey ambience not to mention how inexpensive it was to dine there. It’s no wonder that it has been in business for so long now with an extensive clientele . It is safe to say that it is one of the best, if not the best restaurant in our city.

Being a Filipino restaurant with homey ambience, it was just natural that it developed a tradition that guests eat with their bare hands just like what most Filipinos do when they eat at home. However, if you are not Filipino and find it a little too primitive or probably if you are Filipino and just did not want to ruin your manicure, they would serve utensils upon request.

A couple of years back, a friend of my brother visited the city for some R and R. He then asked my brother if he can show him around. My brother agreed and created an itinerary for his friend. He then decided to make this restaurant their first stop to let him try some of our local cuisine. Like most visitors from the north, seeing how cheap the seafood was, he ordered almost all seafood dishes in the menu. From appetizers, soups, side dish, main dish and if there was even a seafood dessert he would have ordered too. My brother then told him about the tradition in the restaurant.

“But if you prefer to eat with spoon and fork, we can request for it,” my brother added as he was about to wave to the waiter to request for utensils.

“No, no. Mas masarap kumain nang nakakamay,” he interjected.

So he went on to wash his hands and just as he returned to the table the food was being served. When the waiter was about to leave, he saw that there were utensils placed on the table.

He called out the waiter, gathered all utensils and handed them to the waiter saying, “Kuya, hindi na kailangan nito. We’ll eat with our hands.”

He added with a smart-aleck tone, “Hindi ba kamayan dito? Kakamayin na lang namin.”

The waiter replied with a puzzled look, “Kahit yung soup sir?”

Bangkok Love Story

“What movie are we going to watch?”

“A pink film from Thailand,” he said nonchalantly then suddenly like a teenage girl who just saw her crush, he excitedly whispered, “it’s a love story.”

“A Thai gay love story, huh?”

“A Bangkok Love Story,” he said out loud with a smile on his face.

“Oh, aaahmmm… can we watch something else? Something that does not have “love” in the title or hmmm…in the plot?”

“Ah, yeah. Lay off the dark chocolates buddy. You are getting too bitter.” He said mockingly.

“Yeah, can you lay off the cheeses and corn and while you are at it, even the marsh mallows, too?”

*******

“What was that? And they call it a love story?” He protested.

“Great ending, ei?”

“Why can’t they be together in the end? After what he did, they should be together? That’s so unrealistic,” he bickered.

“Bangkok Love Story, a love story. I enjoyed it. Let’s watch it again?”

“Can we stop where it became sad?” He begged.

“Can we start where it became sad?”

“Sure, is that your death wish?”

A Tribute

Birthday is the anniversary of the day a person was born.

It was dawn sometime the ber months in a private hospital somewhere down south, a bouncing baby boy was delivered to the world. He was fair skinned like his mother with strong limbs like his father; altogether a cute little baby boy. His mother rejoiced his coming while his father thought "He will be a great son." He was his brother’s answered prayer. An elder sister would have welcomed him too but heaven needed an angel so she wasn’t there.

In some cultures, it is marked with rites of transition.

It was almost dawn sometime the ber months in a private resort somewhere up north, a bouncy boy delivered the word. He was fair and skinned his soul in front of his mother and with strong spirit he faced his father; altogether he revealed he calls cute boys "Baby". His mother rejoiced his coming out while his dad thought "He's a great son!" He was answered by his brother with a prayer. An elder sister would have welcomed him to heaven but his family needed their angel so he didn't go there.

Life as I Learned in High School

You can agree or not but high school years will be up there on the list of the most memorable stages in our life. This is the time for puppy love, prom and even the first taste of vices. The monikers and those silly things that we did because of ignorance and puberty will be forever printed in our biography thanks to the memories of the people we call friends.

When I was in high school, I was called batman. Not because he was my hero, nor because I was as rich as him with butler to boot. Not because I am as sleek as him, nor because I have the awesome rides that he has. It is not even because I was as intelligent and prominent as he is but mainly because the cartoon version has a square jaw. Needless to say, so do I.

All the rest of my classmates have the usual oval or round face but I had the square one. It evolved to other name calling which were all evil but I have to admit funny too. I was not the type to take jokes easily then given this was during the I-just-need-to-be-accepted stage plus being the I-need-attention middle child that I was. I have to admit it was tough for me. I would spend days and nights daydreaming to be someone else. I tried to take away the attention from my jaw by having reading glasses and having the I-just-got-out-of-bed-sort-of-Harry-Potter like hair. Yeah, you guessed it right, it didn’t work. I tried to grow a pimple or two, still did not work.

I endured this the most of my high school years until I learned the secret on how to make it go away. I noticed that when they would tease me and I would show them that I am affected, the more they aggravate it. Then one time, with the usual teases they would throw my way, I gave a different response for a change. I gave them a smile as if flattered for every banter and I would even say “Thank you.” The teases did not stop immediately but it faded slowly. I guess they grew tired of teasing me because it does not get to me unlike before.

The secret that made it go away? Acceptance.

One day, I looked into the mirror and realized Bill Gates is not my father or the Sultan of Brunei. I do not have the resources to have plastic surgery done. This is the face given to me by God through the genes of my Dad; I will have to accept it. Yes, I have a square jaw like Tyson Beckford and Demi Moore. Yes, I don’t look like them but we have the same jaw line. Huh, take that.

In life, we have a lot of things that we cannot control. There are a lot of things we want for ourselves but are rarely given to us. Whatever it is that we cannot change, we just have to learn to accept it and we might even learn to appreciate it. We take what is given to us and just learn to go with the flow. After all, life is too short to be spent on bickering.

The Curse of the Green Shirt

After half an hour and a couple of failed attempts to make some sort of a connection with adorable PLUs outside a crafts store in Glorietta, J and D finally came out bearing the fruits of their quest to find the perfect material for their project. I asked them if we can grab something to eat first before we proceed to our next stop and all I got were smiles as a reply. As we were making our way around Glorietta, we chanced upon this shop that sells vintage-looking statement shirts which, coincidentally where J and I bought something to complete our Friday-dress-down-day ensemble a few days back. Upon seeing that J and D making a detour towards the shop, I whined like a child and practically begged them not to go in.

“Guys, I haven’t eaten yet. Can we just eat first and then come back here? Please?”

Either they didn’t hear me or they were in some kind of trance with the colors and design of the shop that they went in the store and started rummaging through the rack. Outnumbered, I went in and tried to share their excitement. They were already checking out some possible purchases when I saw this shirt which was practically calling out my name. It was a muted green shirt with dirty white print that says, “PILI NANG PILI NAUWI SA BUNGI”. Next thing I knew, I was standing next to the rack holding out the shirt for J and D to see.

“I hope this does not happen to me,” I said with pout and all.

They started laughing out loud as if we were the only ones in the shop totally ignoring my sincere concern.

“Ha Ha Ha. That’s totally gonna happen to you. Stop being so picky. When will you be in a relationship? When you are 40?” J said.

“Yeah, you are so picky. You set such a high standards.” D snorted.

“I don’t. I just want someone who will be worth the sacrifices I’ll make if and when I’ll be in a relationship, don’t you?”

Almost simultaneously, they both rolled their eyes and gave me the yeah-right and whatever-you-say look as they headed towards the fitting rooms.

I was about to ask the sales consultant if they have the shirt in my size when I thought I heard some kind of whisper, “Do not give fate an idea.” I immediately returned the shirt to the rack and stayed away from it as far as I could until we left the shop.

The Shout Out

The shout out I recently posted on my online social networking account caught some generous attention from friends with feedback to match. It’s totally unforeseen and I can’t believe a one-word-shout-out could stir that much interest.

All feedback, though unexpected yet truly appreciated, were filled with words of support and joy. However, I feel that I need to set things straight before everything will be seen in a whole new different light.

I would like to clarify the fallacy insinuated in most of the feedback. With much dismay to disappoint you my friends but in no way it was in reference to a brooding romance. Nor such is due to a certain knight in shining armor sweeping me off my feet.

The shout-out that simply says, “inspired” is in reference to my continuous self-development and improvement scheme mapped out for this year.

I am inspired to further better myself. I am inspired to grow mentally and emotionally. I am inspired to tap my other talents. I am inspired to expand my horizon and try things I have not tried before. I am inspired to live life to the fullest.

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement; it just gives me all the reason to be more inspired.