Regrets

I still remember to this day that last look that your boyish face tried to hide.
I know you wanted to say something, I know you wanted something.
I wished to keep the connection but I held back for I know it was not right.
That time, the call to do what was right took command of my senses.

But why does it feel like such a wrong move to do the right thing then?
If only I followed the throb of my heart and did what felt right then,
I will not be here drinking coffee with my regrets.

Your smile, your voice and your eyes are vivid memories I keep.
Precious as they are I may have to push them aside and be loyal.
Because I know if I am with you, you want me to be faithful too.
So now, that’s what I will do to the one I said “I love you” to.

But why does it feel so right for me to do the wrong thing now?
If only I waited for you to come before I said ‘yes’ to someone,
I will not be here sleeping with my regrets.

This Time

They say hope is the quintessential human illusion.
I would challenge it if only I disagree.
This time I refuse to drown in illusion.
This time I choose to wallow in reality.
Even if my reality will bring me a package of regret,
I will accept it and tear it open with my bare hands.
I may hurt myself when I do that but it will be trivial.
I won't allow myself to hurt as much over the same reason.
For the first time was quite deep, this time it will just be a scratch.

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It's the new year and it's the new me.
Hello, I am Joaqui.