Catharsis

He was just a boy I got acquainted with through a friend. He was tall, dark and handsome. Sorry for the cliche but he really was. However, these were not the traits that got me interested in his whole persona. Through all my conversations with him what I found most endearing was his sincerity. You could see it through his eyes not through his words. His actions would make you doubt but when you look into his eyes, you will believe. I believed.

Not only did I believe, but I also dreamt. I hoped. Well, he did not promise anything, or maybe he did. I don't know now, I don't remember anymore. In a way, I choose not to remember for whatever promises laid before are trivial now. They are like withered flower petals on a bedside table.

I don't harbor any ill feelings toward him and I never had. Even though I've been coerced by my friends to do otherwise. All these are part of the past that's why I can write about it to archive in the recesses of all yesterdays. As this is not an invitation to dance to an old forgotten melody but to give in to catharsis.

The entire phase with the boy is brief, almost negligible, in a timeline perspective. However the brevity of it all and of this post is of no way telling the impression it all left on me.

I know he is happy right now with his love. I can't say the same with myself but nonetheless that won't hinder me to be happy for someone in the past. As I now learn to wish this to everyone, I continue to wish him this. Light. Love. Happiness.

Introspection in 30 seconds

I am vanilla.
I am gray. I am black or white.
I am that black jacket. Faded.
I am that jeans worn out.
I am jaded.

I am vanilla. A base. I go well with everything and nothing in particular. I go well with fruits or nuts or some chocolate syrup on top.

I am gray. In between. I am black. I am white. I am a mix of the extremes. I stay in between.

I am that black jacket with hood faded by the constant use. I am used. For comfort, for companionship, I am used. For warmth and protection, I am used. I am hugged in the solace. Faded in solace.

I am that jeans. Worn out. Worn in a busy day or a casual date. Out in a routine. A worn out pair. Worn and out.

Jaded. I am.

Indulgence

I walked in the shop filled with things I like
In all colors and in all grandeur they were all displayed
I looked around in search of the one perfect piece
I can buy more than one but that’s too much
It’s a sin

I saw one particular piece that’s almost hidden on a corner shelf
Timid, gentle and simple – just the way I like them
Approaching it makes the feeling stronger
Yes, this is the perfect piece, well, at least for today
Asking for more than that is a sin

I laid out the notes in exchange of the goods
Preference is unwrapped as they feel good in my hands
I left the shop with satisfaction up the brim
Today’s urge to splurge was fulfilled
Thinking of doing it again is a sin

Kanlungan

nilakad ko ang mahabang daan papuntang kanlungan.
walang laman ang daan, walang hadlang.
ngunit hindi ang aking kaisipan.
ito ay nag-uumapaw ng kung anu-anong mga diwa.
diwang hindi na dapat binalikan,
diwang pilit kinakalimutan subalit sila'y mapilit.

tinakbo ko ang daan na walang hadlang
sa paniniwalang ito'y mas makabubuti.
ngunit may mga taong nilagpasan na nag-aabang.
hindi na sila napansin, hindi na pinansin.
halos walang aninong nasilayan.

ginapang ko ang daan na walang laman.
pagod pero pursigidong makarating.
sa dami ng dala ay nahihirapang makausad.
ngunit itutuloy ang naumpisahan, paroroonan ma'y 'di na lam.

kanlungan ma'y 'di matanaw, kanlungan hindi mabatid.
kanlungan ma'y hinahabol, kanlungan na hinahanap nang pilit.
kanlungan na sa isang pikit ay tiyak masisilip.

hindi na kailangan pang lumakad, hindi na kailangan pang tumakbo
ngunit kailangan ipagpatuloy ang paglalakbay.

inaasam-asam na kanlungan nagtatago sa karimlan.

Inspiration

Everything about this clip is inspiring. From the first shot to the point where it ended, I bask in inspiration to write again and explore the creative side of my personality.

The music, the cinematography and most especially the lines weaved seamlessly and formed one very memorable clip. I wish I can bottle this clip up and have a drop or two in my morning cup of coffee so each day moving forth I will be inspired. I have the song in my phone and I imagine this each time I play the song. I guess, that would suffice.





Annette: I'm impressed.

Sebastian: Well, I'm in love.


"Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside"